he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
