i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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