Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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