and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
