Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
