So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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