It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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