Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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