I want to have your abortion
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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