I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
