You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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