Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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