So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
