I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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