turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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