i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
