My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
