Welp...herpes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
