he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
