Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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