pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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