so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Randomize
