Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
