A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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