i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
