Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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