Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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