FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
