Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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