don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You pole danced in your parka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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