i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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