so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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