Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
