i permit you to call me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
