I'm drive I can fine osifer
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
