Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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