Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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