there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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