So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
