hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
