did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
