We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Randomize
