ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
