Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
