I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
