I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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