I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
