He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
