Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
