dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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