I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
