i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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