It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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